HOW DO I CONNTECT TO “YOU” WITHOUT LOSING “ME”?
Desire flows and recedes like a tide. The loss of association, to our sense of excitement, awakening, mischievousness and cheerfulness is absent at some stage or many stages. HOW do we resuscitate and revitalise it in relationships? Women in modern relationships are asking themselves; “How do I connect to you without losing me?” and similarly; “How do I stay connected to me without losing you?”
How do I take care of my job, my family, my siblings, even his family? without losing touch with my own?”. Consequently, they feel the need to stay attached to their own wanting which becomes complex when encountering the need to stay true to themselves, i.e., their identifiable preferences and desires.
Women are habitually socialised beings wired for connection. This paradigm suggests their greatest resource remains their reserve and supply, adeptness for attachment, bonding, and connection with others, rendering themselves susceptible to remaining connected with themselves.
Today we find ourselves in an era of faultlessness, perfection, and completeness. Women are finding it harder to say; “It’s enough for today, It’s now time for ‘ME’”.
Existing in a socialized role of responsibility and attentiveness to the needs of others, means being “in the mood” requires the lens to switch towards themselves, a flip switch that becomes a daily encounter.
What turns a woman ON is what “happens” to her. And this only “happens” if she personally invites it in, instead of talking herself out of it. Being relational and personally interactive is synonymous with being a woman, thus the struggle to “let go”. Spontaneity, impulsiveness, and the ability to be uncontrolled, sexually is a grapple. A woman’s gradient to be suggestive and erogenous often journeys in the opposite direction to her social self. Why? Because her wrestle is with redirecting that centred energy, sparkle, and spirit, back to herself.
To heed to any stimulating or sensual pleasure that is happening to HER!!, means that after accomplishing the role of carer, mom, wife, girlfriend, daughter, friend, and the rest, the FFC (Selfie mode) has to be adjusted towards HER and in addition, she needs to KNOW that everybody in her bubble will be okay. (whilst I am taking care of me).
Accessible female energy is always grounded and punished by feeling threatened, burdened, responsible, constantly on guard and vigilant. Hence, under no circumstance can she ever know completely and utterly that things will be okay. Men are inclined to concentrate on the woman in their lives with the aim of feeling good about themselves, whereas a woman need to feel good about herself first in order to focus on him. That right there is the FLIP SIDE.
What works seamlessly in a woman’s interpersonal life is turned upside-down to adequately liberate her sensual life.
For a woman to “let go”, experience pleasure, relaxation, and desire, she must primarily identify the blocks preventing her from total surrender.
Nothing turns a man on more than to see her turned on. Why? Because her being turned on articulates the notion that “she's into it”. Immediately his mainframe obstacle (the predatory fear of whether she’s into it or not) is eliminated. This is what the movies tell us. It flaunts that women always want sex. Theres never a headache, a feeling of inadequacy, rejection, or displeasure.
The big secret of female sexuality is that it is massively narcissistic. It completely contradicts the care, concern, reliability alluded to above. Sexually a woman must focus only on herself to be into it. Sequentially she needs to like herself. She cannot afford to be critical in this moment. That’s the perfection piece yet again. To make love to a man she needs to come to terms with her inner self. The moment she analyses her dislikes, she’s in shut-down mode. Her imperfections are harder to extinguish than it is for him.
There is a degree of freedom with men when it involves sex. For thousands of years women have cautioned against liking sex dreading being branded promiscuous or shamed. Consequently, her desires must be wrapped in layers of relatedness to unclutter what she likes. As a result, instead of baring what she likes, she makes known what she dislikes. And just like that, the FLIP SIDE !!
Beverley Frazier
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